Yes! I have gone Ape! (with panic)

I never thought I had a fear of heights.  My god was I wrong!  Two years ago I went to GoApe for the first time with my sister, Becky.  For those of you who don't know what GoApe is, it is a tree top challenge where you basically act like monkeys.  It was such a great experience and I loved every minute of it... oh, except for when I had a panic attack!

Part of the course involved a Tarzan swing into a rope wall.  There was an alternative route which was easier, but I thought to myself, 'take the challenge, it will be fun!'.  Butterflies were forming in my stomach, but before I could even think it through, it was my turn.  I attached myself to the rope, bent my knees and let myself go.  The thrill I got out of this drop and swing was amazing, but what I hadn't thought about was getting myself up the rope wall, bearing in mind I have terrible upper body strength.

Flying into this rope, I grabbed hold tight and started to pull myself up.  This proved to be hard and I was struggling to get up to the next platform... then it came!  PANIC!  I thought I was trapped and never be able to get up, but a group of people behind saw I was in a panic state and encouraged me.  'You can do it!', they chanted as I managed to move and pull myself up.

Getting onto the platform I realised I had completely turned to jelly.  My legs felt weak and I felt drained, but I was happy that I was no longer stuck in this net!  Luckily this was near the end of my adventure at GoApe.  One more zip wire (which was huge) to go.  The views when flying down this wire was incredible!  Highlight of the day.

Okay... so yesterday my sister took me to GoApe for the second time.  I swore to myself that I would not experience another panic attack.  This meant avoiding the Tarzan swing and take the alternative route.  Instead of being in a big group of people, it was just Becky and myself.  I thought this would be better as we didn't have to wait for other people to go over the course, but I was wrong.  People were the objects making me not think about the height.

Climbing up the first tree I realised I was getting slightly dizzy.  I thought nothing of it until I reached the platform.  I stood up straight and looked down (mistake I know!).  I instantly felt dizzy and panicked slightly.  This was not a good sign considering I wanted to avoid having another panic attack!

Even though I was planning on taking the alternative route to the Tarzan swing, I found a new place to... wait for it... have a panic attack!  Hanging in the air was a tunnel.  I remember not having any trouble with it the first time we went, but this time I panicked.  Crawling through I felt like I was going to slip through the gaps (even though the gaps were no where near big enough).  Becky encouraged me to crawl through the tunnel which I continued to do, but then... I was stuck!  How was a meant to get out of this tunnel?  I panicked even more and got hysterical.  Problem is, once it is all over and done with you realise how much of a bloody idiot you were!  I was embarrassed and throughout the rest of the course I was terrified of falling.

It is a great experience and I never thought I had a fear of heights considering I love roller coasters, but now i'm getting older i'm starting to think about things more (negative things).  I will overcome this and even though I have had a panic attack every time I have been to GoApe, I will go again and concur my fear!  Fear is only in the mind, I just need to try and push through it.